


It's A Cliche, Cupcake

by peerieweirdo



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Fake Dating, non-vampire au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-16
Updated: 2014-12-19
Packaged: 2018-02-25 16:21:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2628191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peerieweirdo/pseuds/peerieweirdo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Laura must be mad. She must be out of her mind. But she kind of liked the idea. <br/>“Sure,” she said, and smiled. “So, wanna go tell LaF that we’re totally in love right now?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Yes, LaF, I’m on my way right now.” Laura said, rolling out of bed. “I am literally walking out the door.” She pressed her phone against her shoulder and brushed her teeth hurriedly. “Be there in five minutes!”  
Aw crap.  
Laura hardly ever slept in. Even on those days where she’d stay in her dorm all day and not shower, she’d still wake up at around nine. But today, for whatever reason, she had been woken up by LaFontaine on the phone, asking why she was two hours late to their study session.  
Which started at one.   
It was three pm, and Laura was just waking up.  
She hung up, and tried to stuff her books into her bag whilst simultaneously pulling on a pair of shoes.   
Laura sprinted down the hall, and out into the sunlight. She could see the alchemy club doing something with… was that mucus?  
Laura gave them a wide berth, walking closer to the Summer Society, who were running around and throwing a football. She caught the eye of Danny, a tall redheaded girl who just so happened to be her Lit TA. Danny waved at her, and Laura smiled sheepishly.   
It was a short walk to the coffee shop where she’d agreed to meet LaFontaine. Laura walked in, but a quick scan of the seats told her that her friend was nowhere to be seen. Confused, she sent a text to LaF, then walked over to a girl sitting on one of the sofas.   
“Excuse me?” Laura asked. The girl looked up from the book she was reading, clearly annoyed to be addressed. “Have you by any chance seen a person in here with short ginger hair? Probably wearing jeans and some kind of plaid shirt?”  
The girl looked Laura up and down in a way that was not altogether flattering. “You must be Laura.”  
“Wait what?”  
“You know, turning up two hours late isn’t exactly the best way to start off a date.”  
“Oh, no.” Laura laughed. “I’m not here for a date. You must think I’m someone-“  
“Short, longish blondish hair, called Laura, asking for LaFontaine. I don’t really think there’s gonna be that many others around here.” The girl said in a bored tone, returning to her book.   
“Wait no sorry, I’m confused. I’m here to meet LaFontaine.”  
“They didn’t tell you?”  
“Tell me what?”  
The girl laughed, as if she couldn’t believe some people’s stupidity. “I’m Carmilla. Your date.”

***

“LaFontaine, I did not ask to be set up on a blind date!” Laura whispered, standing outside the coffee shop.   
“Which is exactly why I didn’t tell you,” came the reply. “Look, Carmilla’s nice. And considering you slept in until three because you spent all last night marathoning Gossip Girl on Netflix-“  
Laura made some noises of protest.  
“-I figured you could use a date.”  
“Whatever. She doesn’t seem nice.” Laura glanced through the window, to where Carmilla was sitting alone, drinking coffee.   
“Just give it a go, okay?” LaF’s voice came through the phone.   
“Fine.” Laura said, and hung up. She looked back at Carmilla, who was now waving away one of the Zetas who was trying to sit across from her. Laura took a deep breath and stepped back in.   
“Sorry, this seat is taken.” She said to the frat boy. She saw Carmilla let out a breath of relief as he walked away silently. Laura sat down on the seat.  
“Okay, I think I understand. LaFontaine set us up on a date, but didn’t tell me because they knew I’d say no.”  
“Man I’m gonna kill them.” Carmilla mumbled, taking a sip of her coffee.   
“How do you think I feel?!” Laura said, then cringed when she realised how that sounded. “I- I mean, not that I dislike the idea of dating you, you seem very… Anyway, what I meant was, I didn’t even know I was going on a date. I thought we were gonna study.”  
“We could study.” Carmilla said. “Or…”  
“Or?” Laura asked. She saw an evil glint come into Carmilla’s eyes.   
“We could get back at LaFontaine.”  
“How?”  
“Pretend this date went really well-“  
“You mean it’s not going really well?”   
Carmilla laughed. “Fine. The date really does go well, and we begin to date.”  
“This doesn’t sound like revenge to me.”  
“No, because we’re fake dating.” Carmilla says conspiratorially. “Then, after about two months of being all cutesy, we have a HUGE BREAKUP. And pull LaF right in the middle of it. I’m talking screaming, throwing shit about. It’ll be great.”  
Laura must be mad. She must be out of her mind. But she kind of liked the idea.   
“Sure,” she said, and smiled. “So, wanna go tell LaF that we’re totally in love right now?”  
“Hey, give it a while, a good date wouldn’t have ended after only fifteen minutes.”  
“So what do you want to do for the rest of the time?”  
Carmilla reached into her bag, and pulled out a pad of paper and a pencil.   
“We plan.”


	2. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A phone conversation. (Texts are in bold)

Laura flopped back on her bed and sighed. Content, she pulled out her laptop and opened up Gmail.

Sure enough, there was an email there from… xxvampiregirlxx@hotmail.com. Laura laughed.

 **Vampire girl?** She texted.

**I went through an emo phase.**

**Considering your black attire and love for angsty music, I’d say it wasn’t just a phase.**

**Shut up, you, or I may just fake-dump you right now.**

Smiling, Laura opened up the file attached to the email. Inside was a very detailed plan, of exactly what they’d do on each ‘date’, and how the breakup would go down. It was even color-coded (Laura’s idea.)

They had until July 14th to pretend to date, and then Laura would ‘catch Carmilla with another girl’ and there’d be this huge screaming fest, right in front of LaFontaine.

Of course, after about two weeks of yelling and forcing LaFontaine to carry their passive-aggressive messages, they’d eventually break the news that they were faking it the whole time. Then they’d laugh about it and probably stay friends, I mean how could you not be friends with someone you’d fake-dated for two months?

 **So, how did it go?????** LaFontaine texted Laura.

**Really well, I think we’re going out again on Saturday!**

**See, I told you you’d get along!**

Laura chuckled to herself. Oh yes, this was going to be fun.

At the same time, she was slightly confused. Why did LaFontaine think they’d be a good couple? They were hardly alike! And, although Carmilla was pretty cool, she totally wasn’t what Laura looked for in a girl. Too suave and brooding. She was make-evil-plans-to-mess-with-your-friend material. Not dating material.

Not that Laura had all that much experience with dating, anyway.

Although there were a few girls on campus who were more her type. She liked athletic, summer-y girls… tall girls …Her phone buzzed, pulling her from her thoughts, and she saw she had a text from Carmilla.

**LaF just asked me what we talked about on the date. I said ‘stuff’. Thought you outta know.**

**Thank god, I was about to say ‘not stuff’. Then they’d have seen through us!**

**I don’t need your sarcasm, buttercup.**

Laura laughed, and got up off the bed. She began to change into her PJ’s.

Yes, it was only eight pm and, yes, she did only wake up five hours earlier, but she was in the mood to snuggle up and watch some Netflix. Just like she did last night.

 

Maybe she did need to get out more.

Right then, her phone began to ring. Laura answered it immediately.

“Woah there Speedy-Gonzales. I know we’re fake dating but you don’ t have to be that eager.” Came Carmilla’s slow drawl.

“My phone was right next to me.”

“Uhuh.”

“Seriously, it was!”

“Sure.”

Laura composed herself. She could do this. She could spend two months with this girl.

Oh god she had to spend two months with this girl.

“Why are you calling?”

“Well, I was thinking you should tell me a little about yourself. You know, if I’m gonna be your girlfriend I have to at least know where you grew up.”

“Toronto. Little house in the suburbs. Dad’s a doctor, and constantly terrified that one day he’ll find me on the operating table. You?”

“That doesn’t count.”

“What do you mean?” Laura stood up and absent-mindedly began rearranging her bookshelf. Since when did she have so many vampire novels?

“Well, you haven’t told me any proper details. What boy bands were you obsessed with in middle school? What was your favourite Pokemon? When did you come out to your parents?”

“NSYNC, flareon and…” There was silence before a while. Laura hesitated.

“And what?” Carmilla demanded.

“And,” Laura began slowly. “I haven’t. Yet.”

“Wait, what?!”

“Well,” Laura began sorting her books by author’s last name. “Like I said, my dad’s pretty overprotective. And conservative. One time in high school he caught me holding hands with another girl and sent me to Jesus Camp for two months.”

“Yeesh.” She could hear Carmilla laugh.

“Do you know how many dads drop their fifteen year old girls off at Camp Holy Heart and say ‘make sure to fraternise with some boys’?”

Carmilla’s laugh increased. “That must have sucked!”

“Are you kidding? At least three other girls were sent there for the exact same reason I was. Let’s just say I became a very good kisser that summer. But, yeah. I got home all ‘straightened out’, and I’ve just kept it secret from him ever since. What about you?”

“My mom’s the complete opposite.” Carmilla said. “She tries to set me up with every damn girl she sees.”

“Oh man, I bet that’s fun!”

“Yep. She keeps trying to get me to go to parties to meet the ‘nice girl from the shop’. I swear she’s trying to collect these girls for something.”

“What, like some kind of cult-sacrifice made out of your ex-girlfriends?” Laura said. Carmilla laughed, and Laura felt proud of herself. She’d made a funny. Yay.

“I wouldn’t put it past her. She’s like fifty shades of sociopath.”

“Man, at least your mum didn’t hand you fifteen cans of bear spray on your first day of college.”

“Jeez, how many bears did your dad think you’d encounter?”

“I dunno, but so far I’ve only seen one, and his name is Winnie the Pooh. So I think I’m good.”

“You have a Winnie the Pooh plush?”

“Yeah… just the one…” Laura said slowly. She finished off organising her bookshelf. She then looked for something else to do. She couldn’t sit still on the phone.

“Oh my god. See, that’s the kind of stuff I need to know if we’re dating!” Carmilla said.

“Well I know hardly anything about you.” Laura said, picking up a notebook and beginning to doodle.

“There’s not much to tell. Not that I can explain over the phone, anyway. How about you come round to mine on Friday and we can delve deep into my angsty backstory?”

“Sounds great, but be warned I expect at least three forgotten birthdays, a sibling much preferred by your parents and one dead love of your life. Or else it’s not angsty enough.”

“Geez, what kind of books have you been reading, Hermione Granger?”

“Actually, Lord Voldemort’s backstory in the Harry Potter series is a great example of-“

“I don’t need to know all of Harry Potter’s literary nuances right now, cupcake. How about you tell me on Friday? Planning session two?”

“Yeah, sure. Friday.” Laura said. She then heard the line go dead on the other end. Sighing, she sat down on her bed once again. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad. She put down the phone, and looked at the notebook she’d be absent-mindedly drawing on.

It was covered in hearts.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apparently even in a non-vampire AU, Carmilla doesn't get a happy life... sorry for this one, guys.

 

The rest of the week went by without incident. Laura sat in her lectures, picturing the look on LaF’s face when they found out it had all been a lie. Danny had to tap her a few times on the shoulder to get her to pay attention, which she _totally_ didn’t mind. 

After Friday’s lecture, people were slowly filtering out of the room, but Laura stayed behind to gather her books into her bag, Having eventually managed to stuff Hardy, Dickens and Plath into her tiny messenger bag, she looked up to find that everyone had already left except for Danny, who was leaning on the wall by the door. 

“Got enough books there?” she smiled. 

“Well it’s your damn reading list!” Laura retorted, walking over to the door and standing next to Danny, God, Danny was tall. 

“I’ll give you that.” Danny held the door open, and Laura walked out into the pouring rain. “Damn,” came the voice behind her. 

“Ooh! I have an umbrella!” Laura said, rummaging in her crammed bag. Eventually she felt the umbrella in her hand and pulled it out. She opened it and held it above her head, but broke down laughing when she saw Danny literally trying to half her height in order to fit under it. 

“Maybe you should take it.”

“What? No, this works!” Danny joked. “See, I can just…” she got onto her knees on the university steps. 

“Get up, your jeans are gonna be all wet!”

“You need to grow, Hollis.”

“Point noted.” Laura said as she handed the umbrella over to Danny. They began to walk across the deserted campus, until Laura reached her dorm building. 

“This is me,” she said, turning to Danny who was still holding the umbrella and bent over ever so slightly. 

“Thanks for letting me share this,” Danny said, and began to hand the umbrella back. 

“No, you still have to walk to your dorm in the rain. Why don’t you keep it?”

“How about,” Danny began, “I give it back to you tonight? Over dinner or something?”

Laura’s stomach felt full of butterflies. Had she just been asked on a _date?_ By _Danny freaking Lawrence?!_

“I’d love to!” she replied, but then remembered her arrangement with Carmilla. Her face fell, and the butterflies died. “But I can’t. Not tonight.”

“That’s fine. How about next Friday? I’ll text you, here,” Danny wedged the umbrella between her elbow and torso and fished around in her pockets. She pulled out a pen and took Laura’s hand, which sent a shock along Laura’s arm. A good shock. 

Danny slowly began writing a phone number on her hand, still balancing the umbrella over them. 

“What, do you just carry a pen around in your pocket in case you have to give someone your number?” Laura laughed. 

“Not just anyone.” Danny finished writing but kept hold of Laura’s hand. “To be honest I’ve been planning to ask you out for months.”

“Well you should have asked sooner.” Laura couldn’t help but grin. This was really happening. Stay calm, Hollis. 

“Point noted. See you in class.” Danny said, and began to walk away with the umbrella. 

Laura sighed and leaned against the wall. It was a whole minute before she realized she was getting soaked by the rain. 

But at this point, she really didn’t care. 

 

 

***

 

Carmilla’s dorm room was pretty much what Laura had expected. 

She didn’t share with anyone, which Laura envied. She had to share with a girl called Betty, who was nice and all but hardly ever there. 

Carmilla had utilised the extra space, placing a double bed right in the middle of the room and lining the walls with bookshelves, which were stuffed floor-to-ceiling with books that Laura had never even heard of.

However, Laura could have done without seeing Carmilla’s clothes all over the floor, along with dirty dishes and assorted other crap. Being a very tidy person, Laura was overcome with the urge to tidy everything. 

“Don’t mention the posters,” Carmilla said, and it was only then that Laura even realized the posters were there. Above an over-crowded desk sat what appeared to be a shrine to early 2000’s pop punk. 

“I know it’s lame, but they have a lot of memories.”

“You’re talking to the girl who has Winnie-The-Pooh plushes. I’d say a love of Fall Out Boy is infinitely cooler,” Laura said, standing awkwardly in the doorway. Unsure what to do, she quickly checked her phone. She had two texts, one from Danny and one from LaFontaine.

 

**So, next Friday? Yay or nay?**

 

**Good luck with the second date! :D**

 

Putting her phone back into her pocket without replying, she walked further into the room.

“You can sit down if you want,” Carmilla said, not looking at Laura. 

“Thanks,” Laura said, sitting gingerly on the unmade bed. “So, you promised me angst.”

“And boy are you gonna get it.” Carmilla laughed, lowering herself into her desk chair. “So, the first thing you need to know is that I’m not originally from here.”

“What, are you from Michigan or something?”

Carmilla laughed again. “A little further, Marco Polo. I grew up in Austria.”

“Wait, really?!” Laura said, “But your accent-“

“My dad was from Ohio and we spoke English in the house. But my mum was some pop star only famous in Eastern Europe, and my father fell madly in love with her, so he moved away to be with her. He was the CEO of some big corporation and that, coupled with my mom, meant that my childhood was pretty great. Big house, dinner parties, the works.

“And now you’re expecting me to say that despite all the money they were emotionally distant, and their lavish gifts couldn’t replace the love they never gave me. But it wasn’t like that.”

Laura noticed that Carmilla was refusing to meet her eyes and picking at an invisible thread on her black jeans. 

“They loved me, and each other. We spent a lot of time together. My mother used to sing to me at night and stroke my hair. And my father was besotted. He used to call us his ‘two treasures’. We were happy.”

Carmilla was silent for a moment, and Laura didn’t know what to do. What do you say to that?

“Then one day, my mom threw a party.” Carmilla’s voice came out weak and quiet. She was still avoiding eye contact with Laura. “Everyone was there. Politicians, celebrities, business tycoons, you name it. 

“They should have realized it would be a target. They should have put in more security.” Carmilla was now digging her nails into her thigh, and struggling for breath. Laura quickly stood up, crossed over to her and took her hand away. 

“Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to tell me.”

“No, I…” she took in a deep, rattling breath. “I want to tell you. It’s not fair you know nothing about me. It’s just…”

They were both quiet for a while, Laura holding Carmilla’s hand to stop her from drawing blood from her leg. After a few minutes, Carmilla began speaking again, this time seeming much calmer. 

“A man broke in with a gun. I don’t know how but he got in and just… opened fire. I only survived because I was asleep upstairs. I was woken up by the police hours later and told my parents were…” she stopped, and the unsaid word seemed to hang in the air. 

“Well… that sucks.” _Great going, Laura. You should be a therapist._

Carmilla laughed, but it was out of place and sounded like she’d been punched in the gut. It was over as soon as it started.

“I guess it does,” she wiped her eyes with her free hand. “Then i got adopted by some nice Canadian lady, nowadays known as my mother, and I’ve been living here ever since.” There was another silent moment. “See, I told you there was angst.”

“Yeah, that was indeed angsty. Are you sure you’re okay?” Laura asked. 

“I’m fine.” Carmilla sniffed. “Do you wanna watch a movie or something?”

Laura thought for a moment. Did she? Her and Carmilla weren’t exactly friends, but you couldn’t share a story like that and call yourself ‘acquaintances’. Plus, a movie could be fun. 

On the other hand, Laura was tired and really had to get started on that reading list. 

“I’ve gotta go, sorry.”

“That’s fine.” Carmilla’s voice didn’t sound like it was fine.

“But, you know. Thanks for telling me that. I know it must have taken a lot.” Laura said.

“It’s nothing.” 

Laura slowly released Carmilla’s hand, and slowly made her way to the door. 

“Wait!” Carmilla said. 

Laura whipped around, to see Carmilla taking off her shirt. She quickly covered her eyes with her hand.

“What the heck?!”

A few moments later she felt the shirt hit her in the face. 

“What are you doing?!” She yelled. 

“LaF thinks I’m staying at yours tonight, remember? The plan?”

“Oh, yeah.” Laura slowly took her hand away, to see Carmilla already putting on a new shirt. 

“So put that shirt on your bed or your chair or something, but make sure LaF can see it!”

“Right. Thanks.” Laura awkwardly picked up the shirt, and waved goodbye to Carmilla, who gave her a mocking thumbs-up. 

Laura then walked out of the room, feeling a weird mix of sympathy and annoyance. 

_Does that girl have no personal boundaries?!_

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a really short chapter, sorry about that! It was originally going to be the first half of a longer chapter, but after THAT DAMN EPISODE I figured maybe some cute cuddly time was what we all needed (even if it's not including Carmilla... yet)

Laura was beginning to really enjoy this whole fake-dating thing. 

It was perfect. You got to spend the whole evening in your pyjamas with a mug of hot cocoa, but everyone thought you were out on a date and bring a productive member of society. 

Plus, in order to properly fool LaF, sometimes Laura and Carmilla genuinely did go out for dinner. Laura was surprised to discover that dating was actually quite enjoyable when you didn’t have feelings for each other. You got to focus on the food and fancy atmosphere without the whole ‘I have to impress this person oh god what if they don’t like me,’ anxiety. 

Of course, they only did it when they were certain that LaF would see them, and as soon as the food was finished they’d part ways with very few words said between them. 

You got all the perks of dating, without having to actually talk to the person. 

Genius. 

What’s more, Laura’s study session with Danny had gone really well, and it quickly became a regular thing. The ‘jeans and pizza’ routine of Danny Lawrence was a stark contrast to the ‘five star restaurant’ standard of Carmilla’s dates. 

Plus the fact that Danny actually _liked_ Laura, which was something she was certain that Carmilla did not. 

However, it was getting hard to juggle the schedules, along with actual, you know, school. Despite frequent study dates with Danny, Laura still managed to be behind on homework. 

Probably because what always started as intense reading or essay writing would quickly devolve into Netflix watching/ pizza eating/ making out. Not that Laura minded or anything, bit it did mean that she had some serious catching up to do in class. 

And then came a complication. 

A complication in the form of Lola Perry. 

Laura didn’t know much about her, except that her and LaFontaine had some weird kind of best-friends-who-happen-to-date kind of relationship, and that she went completely berserk at any kind of mess. (Laura laughed as she imagined her reaction to Carmilla’s bombshell of a dorm room.)

The complication arrived one day when LaF texted Laura with a proposition. 

  


**Perry wants to double-date on Wed. W/ you and Carm. You in?**

****  


“Who is it?” Danny asked, elbowing Laura in the side gently. They were lying side by side on Laura’s bed, hands entangled and a laptop lying on Danny’s stomach. The feel of Danny next to her, and the soft light coming through the window filled Laura with a sense of peace she’d never had before. 

“Uuh…” Laura began to panic. She knew Danny would jump to conclusions if she saw a text inviting Laura and somebody else on a double date. A perfectly reasonable conclusion, but still!

“It’s LaFontaine.” True. “They want me to help move decorate their dorm room on Wednesday.” Not true. 

“Wednesday?” Danny paused Gossip Girl and turned to the girl lying beside her with a frown. “But that’s the Summer Society’s big fundraised. You promised you’d help.”

“I know,” Laura bit her lip, “but I think they really need my help. I mean have you seen that room?” She felt uncomfortable lying to Danny, but what choice did she have? Admit to her six-foot-two girlfriend who taught self-defence classes twice a week that she’d been going on dates with another girl for the past month? Not likely. 

“Fine, but it’s gonna suck without you.” Danny relented grumpily. 

“I know.” Laura smiled and kissed her on the cheek. “I’ll be thinking about you when I have to stand on a chair to reach a shelf.”

“Is that all I am to you. Your resident tall person?”

“Yes. What else are you good for?” Laura put her head into the crook of Danny’s neck and snuggled in. 

“Cuddles apparently.” Danny laughed, beginning to softly stroke Laura’s hair. 

“Pfft I do this to everyone. This doesn’t mean I like you, Lawrence.”

“Point noted.”


	5. Chapter 5

As Laura stood inspecting herself in front of the mirror, she couldn’t help but feel a stab of guilt deep in her stomach. 

_I should be at the fundraiser._

Danny was probably out there, working her lil butt off (and by lil I mean six foot tall) whilst Laura was getting ready for a fancy date in a five star restaurant. With someone who wasn’t her girlfriend. 

Patting down her dress (which was _gorgeous_ but made her feel kinda awkward and over-exposed) she sighed and pulled out her phone, sending a quick text. 

 

**Good luck with the fundraising!**

 

**Good luck trying to fix LaF’s nightmare of a room!**

 

**It’s gonna be tough. I think something’s died in here.**

 

**That would be your hopes and dreams.**

 

**It’s true. See you tomorrow xxx**

 

Putting her phone into her purse, Laura gave a final brush of her hair and walked out of her dorm. 

The cool night are hit her arms and made her shiver, and she instantly wished that she’d brought a jacket. Her and Carmilla had agreed to meet beforehand in the latter girl’s dorm, to discuss stuff beforehand. 

Such as how to convince LaFontaine- the smartest person Laura knew- that they were totally dating. 

As Laura walked across campus, into the other dorm building and up the dank stairwell, she could hear dull music blaring. Was that My Chemical Romance? 

It got louder as she neared Carmilla’s room. She laughed. She knew that those posters weren’t just for sentimental value. 

Awkwardly, Laura knocked on the door. When there was no answer, she decided to take the initiative. 

“Just a phase indeed!” She said, flinging the door open. 

And then quickly slammed the door again.

She backed away in horror. 

The door slowly opened, and Carmilla walked out into the corridor. 

“You’re early.” She said. 

“Well I’m sorry, I didn’t realise you’d be… _canoodling_ with some girl ten minutes before our date!”

Laura didn’t think she’d ever get that image out of her head. 

Carmilla snorted. “Canoodling?” She raised one eyebrow.

“Doing the… you know.” Laura said awkwardly. “She has to go!”

“Fine.” Carmilla’s jaw was set. She stuck her head round the door. “Sorry, babe, we can finish this some other time.”

Laura stared at her feet as the other girl walked out of the room and away down the corridor.

“There, you happy?” Carmilla said.

“Um, no, you were with someone ten minutes before our date!”

“You know we’re not exclusive, right? I mean don’t you have a girlfriend?” 

“That’s not the point!” Laura realised that most people in the dorm would be able to hear her. She lowered her voice. “I don’t mind that you were with someone, trust me. I mind that it was right before we were meant to go out with Perry and LaFontaine! I mean what if they’d been there with me, you would have ruined the whole thing!”

Carmilla stayed silent, crossing her arms and staring at Laura defiantly.

Laura looked at her watch. “And now we have to go meet them, and we haven’t even talked about the plan!”

“Here’s a plan for you.” Carmilla said, beginning to walk along the corridor, forcing Laura to walk as well. “We act like you’re not a complete control freak.”

“Or we could act like you have an ounce of logic!” 

“Or we could act like I don’t want to kill you right now.”

The argument continued all the way down the stairwell, out onto campus, and along the street to the restaurant. Laura was pretty sure that her eating habits and Carmilla’s personal hygiene was discussed. 

“…or we could act like that comment was in any way relevant and that- oh hi!” Carmilla’s demeanour completely changed when she caught sight of LaF and Perry, who were standing outside of the restaurant. 

Laura also stopped angrily glaring at Carmilla, instead deciding to hold her hand, entwining their fingers. 

“Hey!” LaF said, waving at what they thought was the happy couple. Perry smiled warmly, if slightly over-enthusiastically. 

“What’s up?” Laura asked, trying to put on her widest grin. She could get through this date. She had to. 

“Nothin much.” LaFontaine held the door open for their friends. 

The restaurant was immediately warm, and the smell of cooking made Laura’s mouth water. 

“A table for four, under Perry?” Perry asked the suit-clad waiter. He nodded, and led them through past tables filled with _amazing_ looking food. Laura’s stomach gave an involuntary grumble. 

“Try and contain your bodily functions,” Carmilla mumbled in her ear so the other two couldn’t hear her.

“Try and contain your awful personality.” Laura shot back. 

The waiter stopped and gestured to a table near the back of the restaurant. Laura smiled, and took the seat nearest the wall. Carmilla sat next to her, smiling a fake-warm smile. 

LaF and Perry sat down, oblivious to everything. Laura saw Perry open up the menu and saw her eyes widen.

“This place is far to expensive!” She said. 

“Don’t worry, my treat.” Carmilla said. “Anything for my wonderful girlfriend.” She smiled and put her arm around Laura’s shoulder. Laura tensed up, but quickly realised that that’s not what a proper girlfriend would do, so she smiled and put her head on Carmilla’s shoulder. 

“There’s no way you’re gonna pay for the whole thing.” LaFontaine said. 

“Of course I can.” Laura could hear Carmilla’s deep voice rumble as she leaned on her. “And I will. And that’s the end of it.”

“Isn’t she just the best?” Laura asked. 

“Well, if you’re sure.” Perry relented. “But I’m paying for the next one!” 

“Of course, red.” 

Laura’s neck was starting to hurt. How long were her and Carmilla gonna stay in this position for? It was uncomfortable. Slowly, she took her head off of the other girl’s shoulder, and picked up the menu. 

Then she realised that Perry’s reaction had been totally reasonable. The food was extortionate!

She couldn’t possibly… wait, yes she could. This would be her way of getting back at Carmilla for sleeping with another girl right before their date. She was gonna order _the most expensive thing on the menu._

Which turned out to be some kind of fancy tuna along with a posh red wine. Laura didn’t even like fish. 

“Have you decided what you want, honey?” Carmilla put an extra layer of sweetness on that last word, which made Laura’s skin crawl. She forced a smile. 

“Yep.” 

She saw Carmilla raise her eyebrows, but she didn’t say anything. 

“And you?” LaF leaned over to Perry, who was still staring. 

“I’m not sure yet.”

“I think the lamb looks great.” LaF replied. “And, look, it’s got the ‘definitely not human flesh’ certification. That’s always a good sign.”

Perry nodded. “I think I’ll have that too.” She delicately set down the menu on the table. 

“So,” LaF asked, “how’s life, guys?”

“Pretty good.” Carmilla drawled. “My philosophy dissertation’s coming along nicely. And I think Laura’s _really_ enjoying English Lit.”

Laura saw Carmilla glance over to her wickedly and she felt a flare of anger. 

“Yeah, well Carmilla’s been spending a lot of time _studying_ with people in her room.”

“Hey, haven’t you got a _study session_ with your TA tomorrow?”

“I dunno, I don’t really think about _studying_ when I’m _on a date with someone else!”_

They stared at each other for along time, in fuming silence. Eventually, it was broken by LaFontaine coughing awkwardly. 

“Uh, guys?” 

“Oh, it’s just an inside joke!” Carmilla said, kissing Laura quickly on the cheek.

Laura felt her face flush, and once again thought of Danny. Was it really worth all this lying and cheating for a prank? She decided that she would end it after tonight. No big fall out or breakup, just telling LaF the truth. And then life would go on as normal.

Easy peasy. 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

The conversation was awkward. Hell, the entire situation was awkward. 

Carmilla kept being overly affectionate and Laura kept having to play along and Perry was obviously uncomfortable. In fact, the only person who seemed to be having anything that remotely resembled a good time, was LaFontaine. 

They were scoffing their food and laughing and making jokes while the rest of them were sitting in silence. 

“I’m going to go to the bathroom.” Perry announced, setting down her knife and fork. 

“I’ll go with you,” LaF offered, and they both got out of their chairs. The pair headed off in the vague direction of the bathroom, leaving Laura and Carmilla alone. Laura said nothing, instead picking at her food. 

The silence was broken by Carmilla’s soft voice. 

“I know what you’re doing.”

“What?” Laura feigned innocence. “I’m not doing anything?”

“Really? You just so happened to order the fancy tuna, which just so happens to be the most expensive thing on the menu, wham you don’t even like fish?”

“Pfft I love fish!” Laura said, stuffing a forkful of tuna into her mouth. It was gross, and she almost spat it back out again. But, no, she wouldn’t give Carmilla that satisfaction. She forced herself to swallow it, then took a huge gulp of her wine. 

“Sure.” Carmilla smirked. 

“I wasn’t the one who brought up Danny!”

“Oh, is that the she-giant’s name? It fits, she does look a bit like a dude.”

“That’s it!” Laura slammed her fork on the table and turned to face the girl beside her, who was looking more impressed at the outburst than anything else. “All night you’ve been making snide comments and I’ve smiled and kept up this ridiculous charade but I won’t take it anymore. God, you’re infuriating!”

“Calm down, sweetcheeks, people are starting to stare-“

“I don’t care!” Laura raised her voice. “Let them! You are a rude, insufferable, arrogant-“

Laura quickly stopped when she felt someone tap her on the shoulder. She turned to see a waiter standing at their table.

“Excuse me? Can you please pay the bill and leave? Your friends have been escorted from the premises.”

 

***

“You got kicked out?” Laura said sarcastically. The four of them were standing in the street outside of the restaurant. It was dark, and freezing cold, and Laura was shivering. 

“It was all Su- LaFontaine’s fault!” Perry said. 

“Well excuse me for not being able to make that ridiculous choice!” LaF said, crossing their arms. 

“‘Male or female’ is hardly a ridiculous choice! Just pick a bathroom!” Perry shot back.

LaF stared at their feet. “Yeah, well for some of us it isn’t that easy.” They stood in silence for a moment, the dull sounds of traffic in the background. “Plus, I could totally have been disabled!”

“You used the _disabled_ toilet?!” Laura said. She heard Carmilla laugh behind her. 

“Well… yeah… and then this guy asked to see my disabled card and I said I didn’t have one so _he_ said ‘you can’t use this bathroom then’ so _I_ said ‘your _face_ can’t use this bathroom!’”

Carmilla snorted. Even Laura cracked a smile. She could imagine LaF saying something like that. 

“Well I for one am going home. I don’t want to hang around in the street all night.” Perry said, and briskly walked away. 

“I better go too, I think this is going to take a lot of flowers to make up for.” LaF turned and followed Perry. 

“So… thanks for the fancy tuna.” Laura said awkwardly. 

“No problem. I was using my mom’s card.” Carmilla grinned wickedly. “Let me walk you home.”

“Oh, no, I’m-“

“It’s the least I can do after… you know.”

Laura wasn’t sure if she was talking about the girl or the insults at Danny or something else entirely, but it didn’t matter. She was apologising. Which was a start. 

“No problem. I may have been a bit unfair.” Laura relented, and she shivered once again. 

“Hey, take this.” Carmilla began shrugging off her jacket. Laura made a few noises of protest, but they were futile and she found herself with the jacket draped over her shoulders. It still had Carmilla’s warmth on it. 

“Let’s go.” Carmilla smiled, and with a tilt of her head began walking. Laura followed. 

The walk across campus was quiet, but it was comfortable. The moon shone brightly through the treat, reflected in puddles on the sidewalk from rainfall Laura hadn’t even noticed.

She looked over at Carmilla, who was strolling along as if it was a summer’s day. The cold seemed to not be affecting her, despite the fact that all she had was a thin, sleeveless stop. The moonlight made her skin look even paler, and she was staring up. 

“What are you thinking about?” Laura breached the silence as they walked. 

“The stars.” Carmilla didn’t look away. “My mom used to tell me stories about them. My real mom I mean. The one that- you know.”

The path curved steeply upwards. Laura began to get short of breath scaling what was probably a very reasonable height of hill for regular sized people. Carmilla at least seemed to find the hike effortless. 

“She told me about a pair of long lost lovers who found each other in the starlight.” She stopped walking at the top of the hill, and pointed. “Look, there’s one of them. The fairest women in the land, so the legend goes.”

“Carmilla I think that’s Orion.”

“Orion could have been a hot chick you don’t know.”

“Point note- so, uh, where’s the guy?”

She heard Carmilla chuckle softly, and turned to see the other girl smirking. 

“Who said the other one was a guy?”

“Fair enough.”

They stood on the crest of the hill for a moment. Laura had to admit that the stars _were_ beautiful, as was the sight of the campus sprawled out beneath them, lighting up the night, but she couldn’t help but watch Carmilla, who was looking up at the sky the way someone might look at the person they loved. 

“They died.” 

It was so quiet Laura almost didn’t hear it. 

“Who did?”

“The lovers. But they became immortalised in starlight. Which is nice and all, but wrong.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well,” Carmilla turned to face Laura. “They were hardly immortalised if I had to tell you who they are, were they? You looked up at the stars every night but had no idea. It’s not the stars that matter, it’s the story.” 

They faced each other for a moment, and Laura saw the sharp contours of Carmilla’s pale face. She was staring at Laura with a strange kind of light in her eye that Laura couldn’t decipher.

“… I should probably go. I’ve got like three lectures tomorrow. Thanks for the jacket.” She rushed. 

“Just take it, I’ll get it when I next see you.” 

“Really?” Laura was surprised. Was Carmilla being generous? “Thanks.”

“No problem. See you.”

Laura walked away, leaving Carmilla standing alone on the hilltop, staring up at the sky. As she walked she began smiling to herself, then realised what she was going. 

_Goddammit._

_Why can’t anything be simple?!_

 


	7. Chapter 7

Laura didn’t tell LaFontaine the truth that night. 

 _I mean, Carmilla’s not_ that _bad. I can do this for another month._

The next day she woke to the sounds of her alarm, rudely reminding her that, oh yeah, sometimes in university you have to actually go to class. 

After a quick shower and a nutritional breakfast of peanut butter eaten from the jar, she hurriedly pulled on some clothes and bolted out of the door. 

She arrived at the lecture hall with five minutes to spare. The place was almost full, but thankfully there was a space beside Danny. Probably because any poor unsuspecting freshman attempting to sit there would be met with an angry six foot amazon telling them that that seat was reserved. 

“Hey!” Laura said, sliding in beside Danny and giving her a peck on the cheek. 

_Huh._

_Was it normal to feel guilty kissing your own girlfriend?_

The wheezing voice of the professor indicated the start of the lecture, and Laura tried her hardest to pay attention. As he talked, Danny slowly slid a piece of paper over to her with a message written in an untidy scrawl. 

 

**So, I hear the alchemy club’s throwing a party next Saturday. We should go.**

 

 _Definitely!_ Laura passed the paper back, smiling. 

 

**So, did you make any dent in that bomb site of a room?**

 

_Not much, but I bet Perry’ll clean it all up at some point. How did the fundraiser go?_

 

**Awesome, we made like four hundred dollars. We can finally afford that battle armour!**

 

_That’s amazing! I’m so proud of you._

 

And she was. 

Sort of. 

 

**Hey is a new jacket?**

 

Laura looked down at what she’d quickly pulled on this morning. Shit. Over her regular sweater and jeans, was Carmilla’s leather jacket. She wanted to hit herself. How could she be so stupid?!

 

_Uh, yeah, I borrowed it from a friend._

 

Danny took the paper back, but instead of writing a reply, began to doodle. A few minutes later, the note was once again handed to Laura. There, underneath their conversation, was a cartoon of Laura in a leather jacket, with a candy cane hanging out of her mouth like a cigarette, and giving the middle finger. A speech bubble showed her saying ‘screw you Ray Bradbury!’

Laura laughed out loud, and earned an angry stare from the professor who at that very moment was talking about the symbolism in Bradbury’s ’The Veldt.’

“Laughing in class? You really are a rebel.” Danny whispered. 

“The club can’t handle me.” Laura replied, and Danny snorted in return. 

“Girls, if you’re going to continue to disrupt this lesson I suggest you leave until you’ve calmed down!”

***

 

Laura, for the second time this week, found herself kicked out. 

Danny and she had talked out of the English building laughing the entire way, but as they stood on the street, the realisation of what had happened hit her. 

“Oh god, I’m going to get in so much trouble!”

“From who?” Danny laughed. “The prof kicks people out all the time, he won’t even remember it tomorrow.”

“What if we learned something super important and I missed it? What if it comes up in the final? Oh god I’m gonna fail!”

“Woah woah woah calm down.” Danny took Laura’s face in her hands. “I’ll get the notes from him tonight, okay?”

Laura took deep breaths. Danny’s touch calmed her, but she still felt ashamed. She’d never even been in trouble before. What had gotten into her?

Then she realised. 

Carmilla.

That annoying, obnoxious girl was having a bad influence on her and turning her into the kind of person who wore leather jackets and lied to her girlfriend and got asked to leave lectures because she was distracting people!

“So what do we do now?” 

Danny laughed. “Anything you want. Coffee?”

“Sure.”

The campus was relatively quiet. Most people were either in class or asleep because who wakes up at 9am if they don’t have somewhere to be? Only a few people passed them as they walked, but Danny seemed to know them all. She’d either smile and nod (which meant a friend/Summer Society member/student from a class she helped at) or shoot an angry glance and/or the middle finger (which was reserved for Zetas. Exclusively.)

The coffee shop was pretty empty, and as Laura entered she remembered the last time she’d been in there; the day she met Carmilla. Danny went to order the coffee (with Laura’s order memorised) and Laura scanned the cafe for free seats. She spotted a table near the window that, thankfully, she and Carmilla hadn’t sat in. That would have been just too two-faced, even for someone who technically was dating two people at once. 

Danny walked over holding two cups, and sat down opposite Laura, setting their drinks on the table. Laura took the mug in her hands, and raised it to her lips. However, she spluttered and spilt the drink all over herself when she saw who was working at the counter. 

“Are you okay?” Danny asked as Laura choked on her drink. Laura, however, was not okay. This could not be happening. The universe _had_ to be nicer than this. Right?

“That’s my jacket you just spilt coffee on!” came the indignant cry, and Laura was forced to admit to herself that, yes, that really _was_ Carmilla serving drinks. She left the counter and walked over to them, taking a seat from the table next to them and sitting down. 

“Wait that’s _her_ jacket?!” Danny asked. “How do you even _know_ her?!” 

“I told you, she’s a… friend.” Laura spluttered. Her brain was in official panic mode. “Um, Carmilla, Danny. Danny, Carmilla.” She introduced them. 

“Oh, so _you’re_ Danny.” Carmilla grinned. “I’ve heard so much about you!” 

Her smirk and quirked eyebrow told Laura that she knew _exactly_ what she was doing, and how uncomfortable Laura was feeling, and she was enjoying it. That asshole.

“Really? Laura hasn’t mentioned you at all.” Danny said cooly. Laura sunk down in her seat, avoiding eye contact with either of them. 

“That’s odd. We’re so close! We’re even sharing clothes, apparently.”

“It was an accident!” Laura put her head in her hands. “I was late this morning and just grabbed the first thing on my floor.” 

“Why was it on your floor?” Danny asked. 

_Shit shit shits histhsithsihtsihts iti st._

“Don’t worry, Clifford, I lent it to her cause it was raining. No need to worry.” 

Danny clenched her jaw, staring at Carmilla. Laura still couldn’t believe this was happening. She didn’t deserve this. 

“And when was this?”

“Ages ago!” Laura jumped in before Carmilla could say anything. “Like April!” 

“Exactly what she said.” Carmilla smiled overly sweetly. Laura let out a sigh of relief. It seemed that Carmilla wasn’t determined to ruin her relationship with Danny, but instead was helping her keep the whole fake-dating thing secret. Which she appreciated. 

At the same time, she could have done without Carmilla even acknowledging her existence when Danny was around. 

“Anyway, I better go. Still on the clock. See you later, cutie.” Carmilla winked, getting off the chair and returning to her work post. Laura stiffened. It had been going _so well._ And then she had to do _that._

“Cutie?” Danny said, raising one eyebrow. 

“It’s a joke! Uh, an inside joke!”

Danny laughed. “It’s okay, Laura. You don’t have to panic.”

“Panic?! I’m not panicking!” 

Laura was definitely panicking. 

 


End file.
